Things I Tell Myself 0.3 - The List


The ever growing list of Things that I was told that I couldn't do or shouldn't do or can't do

(that I totally don't agree with).

I've been told many things over the years. Some funny and some sad that have stuck with me that I now want to share with you all. And me being me I have a opinion about it. I believe that I'm not the only one out there and at the same time I want to hear your thoughts or versions of the following things you have heard or experienced.

So here are the top 5 



  • "You look mean. You need to smile" - OK.You know what? It doesn't hurt to smile from time to time. Your working your cheek muscles and they say laughter is good for the soul. Now I know that my resting face isn't harsh but I've heard both male and females say to me or others “that they look mean, you have a mean face””. For me I was told " Rose, when I saw you I thought you would be a rude/mean girl but now that I know you, you are so nice". I hear this. I smile and KMT (kiss my teeth - keeping it real) at the same time. Everyone gets judges at first glance. Fine. But must we continue to walk with that negative first impression without even talking to the person?  And I'm not talking about what you may have heard from other people. Its a daily struggle but lets not judge a book by its front cover? 


  • "Don't wear (too much) make up". It will ruin your skin Part 1" - To some point I will agree. There are some rogue brands with harmful ingredients that do more damage than good. E.g clogging pores or allergic reaction. Your main priority should always be skincare first and at times allow your skin to "breath" rest. HOWEVERDo what makes YOU feel comfortable. I used to have mild acne and I used to experiment with make up and learning new skin care techniques. But as a young teen girl I wasn't comfortable with my skin. So I did wear a bit of makeup during my secondary school years mainly foundation. I was experimenting.

*Sidebar - And on that subject kids nowadays seem to not go through that awkward stage no more. They go from baby to adults in a hot minute. Watching YouTube tutorials made by 26+ year older ladies and end up being imitated by 13 year old in life. I'm not against it as I'm learning from them too. Popular YouTube Beauty Guru's are introducing Back-To-School looks that aren't so heavy and invasive.  I still stand by skin care first and the rest later



  • Don't wear (too much)  make up Part 2 - Now I love makeup! I see it as another art form. To create and express. Makeup however doesn't define me. I CAN go to the shop down the road bare face or a week without it and have done so. HOWEVER if we choose to wear it (and it looks good) Let us live! I also don't think we need to PROOF that we can to others. I've been asked and challenged this once by a female back during my college days. Unfortunately men tell us this too. And being a woman of colour already living in a society where we are being told on a daily that our looks aren't sufficient enough. hearing it from our fellow black men doesn't help either. 

The irony of having them tell us women what is and isn't attractive. Instead of embracing or empowering or encouraging us women to be who we are. You rather (and by you I mean the few guy that did make those comments) , you would rather tell us how we "should" look in order to attract you. A woman either needs to doll herself up, if not she looks like she has "let herself go" or she seems "high maintenance ". I'm fortunately to know and love my "natural look" with my fro and bare face and also my "dolled up look" with my wig collection and my Mac’s and Nars's. I am both one person. One and the same. Face on and face off. It's what's inside that matters. A lady with a "plastic fantastic face" can still have a heart of gold.



  • "You're too big" - x_x *STRAIGHT FACE        I am (now) happy with my size. I was scouted when I was 13 by a top London agency. Who did ask me to lose a few inches at my hips. Looking back I went through a few phases. One side of me thought it was rude and I got angry. To ask a young 13 year old to lose weight. Then on the other side thought that is the industry I want to be in where the standard measurements are  34-24-34 and my hips at the age of 13 were a 40 inches. I tried various diets (in secret) and went to the gym 5/6 days a week at the crack of dawn because I didn't want people to see me so I would sneak out of the house at early hours. After just under a year I manage to get my hips to a 36" but that wasn't enough. I cried and cried but I didn't let it hold me back. Two years later I started freelance modelling. Starting with hair shoots for popular Black hair and beauty magazines. Around that time ANTM just came out. Tyra spoke about having a beauty contract. So I aimed for shooting with beauty brand which lead me to work for Sleek Make Up for a few years in their earlier years. Mastering my craft in "beauty shots" so to speak. I didn't let my hips "not being the right size" hold me back. I saw different avenues in to pursuing a career that I happen to fall into.


  • "You're not big enough" - again with the face x_x  this is my body :) and I am (now) happy with it.

I say "now" because the body changes. Sometimes I get lazy and I wished my tummy could be tighter or my bum could be firmer. My mother's side of the family is tall and slim like my sister. On my father's side they are tall and curvy. I didn't get breast until early 20’s. A tad of a late bloomer i guess. So who know what my body will be like in another 5 ,10, 15 years or during motherhood. I believe we will never be 100% happy with anything in life. So I try to be at peace knowing that I still have a fully functional body and my health. Plus I can treat those little things by going to the gym more often. 

Regarding not being big enough in the plus modelling industry that I'm in. I think :

We need more women that not only look healthy and have curves. But curvy  girls that can do it all and not just be sex objects or fetish desires.  We need to represent all. To see a girl from all different sizes, look, shapes and colour. 

I believe that we need to be the change that we want to see and It’s a process that we are still working on.

I remember being a little girl and the curvy/plus women of colour that I saw where only in hip hop music videos and urban magazines. The features that we naturally have only being celebrated if placed on a Kim K or a non black model? I have no problem being sexy and that being celebrated but we can do more and be more in the world of fashion.

  So can I now aspire and inspire seeing curvier black woman in all different shapes and shades in all types of fashion.


And some random (lighter) ones ...

  • "Female comedians shouldn't talk about poo and going to the toilet or any other female/male/human body related jokes. It's not lady like" - aren't we all human. As long as it's not vulgar it should be alright.
  • "Don't wear white. It makes you look bigger" - really? We are still doing this. Such a crisp and beautiful colour - Just be careful of stains 
  • "Don't wear black it's depressing" - Those who know me, know I Loveeeeeeeeeee black. It's colour so I'm going to wear it.
  • "Ladies should have long straight manageable hair" -... Yup I heard this surprising from male and female. And I say. Whatever works for you so do you boo boo. Do it! And do it well!

There is so much more and I might do a part two. Some of the point I can go on and on about but I thought i'll keep it short. I would love to hear your views and opinions and what you might have heard over the years so ...

Until next time